i m yet to figure it out

23 years n here i am..dont ask me how's life been treating me...cos everyday i wil hve a different answer for it..somedays i wake up n i feel tht life is such a misery getting out of bed and carrying out my daily unvoluntary chores which includes goin to class and etc..however somedays, i light up like a christmas tree no wait infact even brighter, i hve this huge smile on my face tht makes me look like a million bucks although i hve to admit i owe it hugely to all the good makeup and on this days, everything seems perfect..from the moment i hve to wait for the bus right up to the time i get back home jump into my bed and rely on my other half which is none other thn ''tia'' oh in case ur wondering ''tia'' is my laptop she is there thru it all..although i dont take good care of her..she is definitely one chic that isnt high maintenance.. my point is,so maybe life is jus that..a perfect state of mind according to our own defintions and the rhythm of our bodies..mayb if jus for one moment we place ourselves at the places we want to be, the things we want to achieve and the people we see ourselves with, that in my point will give us the perfect state of mind or ''heaven'' as we know it by..so what is life after all? a daily routine of mundane tasks, chores and neverending work? for some its the agony of dealing with death, others its accepting someone new into their lifes, n some go thru the seasonal heartaches of getting hurt over n over again...all of it in a nutshell sums up one thing that life is indeed a gift..its the most perfect gift that you and i or anyone of us can have..cos its the different emotions that we;re able to feel to be able to give and to be able to receive..it opens our souls to new boundaries..it makes us see clearly after the dark clouds have passed and to know that its ok to fail, to loose that job which meant so much to us and to give up the bf/gf that we thot wld be the perfect partner..i always ask myself this after everyday has end..what can another person give me that i cant give myself? have we all become victims of subjugated bussiness trades?do we choose our friends base on their merits or do we just choose the right kind of clique that fits into our lifestyle? i find myself answering that you really do have everyting it takes, deep down in that amazing body,mind and soul that you have..ur the only person you really need..cos noone understands u the way u understand urself, noone sees u better than that person that has been there for u from the moment you were born to the time ur laid to rest..and its dissapointing that so many people out there dont even love themselves anymore..funny how ppl celebrate ''valentines day'' and not ''self loathe'' day if u asked me i tink self loathe day would earn departmental stores more money than vday..i mean comeon with the amount of people hating themselves out there n commiting suicide..the hospitals are getting richer by the day...n they say doctor's arent good business man..heck they are, they get income without even having to put up banners and red heart balloons that require u to feel mushy and all in the mood for burning a hole right thru ur pocket...why are we not cultivated to love ourselves in school nor having self respect?? how can one be happy forever if he/she does not even love themselves? i stand wer i m because i have grown to love myself..i use to be weak, n i use to lean on someone else n use them as my main external main arteries to supply blood to my mushy and redundant heart..n it made me fragile and emotionally drained by the end of it...n i constantly felt the need to be with someone to get self assurance that my hair looks fine or i will ace that test...it came to a point i dint even recognize the person in the mirror anymore it felt so strange to look at her..she seems so queer n weak with no mind or thoughts of her own..i used all that negative energy and emotions and chanelled it into positive field of thoughts..and here i am now..strong and independent..i detach myself easily, i have grown to accept hurt, dissapointment and the flaws of others as an advantage of getting me to a better place..a place that i know has so much good to offer me that i will never ever be able to go if it hadnt been for the shit that got me there in the first place...so before i end my day now i take a step back, i reflect and i have learnt to love myself more than anything else in the world and to accept someting that i had not known existed for 23 years..life as an entity of its own..so cheers u guys n i hope u know that once u hve embraced life ur rest assured ur journey has jus began!!